@ Axcel Campus
At Axcel Campus, we strive to be “A School of Character”. In this journey, we believe a positive three way partnership between our teenage students, parents and our teachers will create a robust learning environment that enhances academic attainment and develop our students’ social and relationship skills that will last throughout their lives.
In line with the above aspiration, on Sunday, 13 November 2016, many parents attended a talk on ‘Parenting Teenagers of Today” at Axcel Campus. Mr. Ko Teik Yen, a Clinical Hypnotherapist and Clinical Psychotherapist shared insights on how we could flex our parenting approach to better nurture our child, as they transform from a teenager to an emotionally healthy young adult.
As a psychotherapist, Mr. Ko counsels teenagers and adults of myriad behaviours. One example was a girl who had been a consistent top scorer in school, obediently do what is expected. Never once did she rebel. At the age of 23, she contemplated to cut her wrist. Apparently, she had stopped growing emotionally at the age of 14 as she was no longer able to continue to “live up” to the perceived expectation of parents, teachers and friends. She had suppressed all emotions since then. Surprisingly, her younger sister was a rebellious child that perpetually gave headaches to her parents. She turned out to be happy like many young woman in her early 20s. Whilst this may be an extreme case, each of us do have our fair share of seemingly obedient and/or notoriously rebellious child. Could we also be ignorant of the symptoms and be making the same mistakes that may one day shock us?
Mr. Ko highlighted parenting teenagers today is increasingly challenging compared to our parents’ days. He provided insights as to how we can re-energise these before we lose it.
Then and Now
How can we re-energise this
|Luxury of a village with many extended family members to help raise an emotionally healthy child vs nucleus family shaped by demands of current society.
|Rekindle that connection with regular family gatherings and support groups of similar interest.|
|Convenience of technology has lowered our tolerance for discomfort. Our fuse are shorter and is easily sparked at the slightest friction of undesired outcome.||Regularly bring ourselves and children back to nature – touch the soil, feel the leaves, smell the air after a downpour, be silly in a game of tug-of-war in the mud or go biking.
|Digital invasion through online games and data availability have robbed us off the physical and emotional connectivity we used to have and ought to have with nature, family, friends and society.
|Play traditional games with the children – play congkak, hop-scotch, konda-kondi, skipping rubber bands, board games (from monopoly to scrabbles) or even SNAP!
For sure the above tips are not a one-size fits all solution. It requires constant tailoring on both parent and child to carve out what works and what does not. It is with the believe that by practising the above, we are able to provide our child with a safe, encouraging and guiding environment to learn to say “No” with assertiveness, diplomacy and respect to parents, friends and society. Able to say “No” is already half the battle won in minimising the possibility of an unattended suppressed emotion. Therefore, choose our battles wisely to ensure we do not lose the war.
Diagram : Situational Approach to Parenting Leadership
Source : Parenting 2.0 – Empowering Moms and Dads in Raising Respectful, Responsible, Resilient and Resourceful Children
The 3-hour session had cover following topics:
Parenting Topic 1: Dealing with Defiant/ rebellious Teenager
– Tired of yelling at your teenage child?
– Getting your child to listen to you
– How to control oppositional defiant behaviour
– Is there an upside to defiant behaviour?
Parenting Topic 2: Your teenage child addicted to computer games?
– Helping your child with internet addiction
– How to stop the digital invasion at home?
– How to get your child to re-engage in school work?
– Rediscovering the joy of parenting a teenager
*What is your parenting style? – Receive a Complimentary guided self- assessment!